everything is so alien, everything is so foreign.
-random thoughts of zong.

i am who i am,
and i am who i meant to be.

i'm overly exhausted and still have more to go, but i do want to post this entry as that one fine day i felt practically overwhelmed and wish to prevent that from happening again.

i detest it when people perceive or assumed a situation wrongly and they blame your ignorance and they blame you for the lack of initiative when they do it themselves. humans tend to not blame themselves and in a way that's natural. and we're hypocritical like this, which is part and parcel of life.

there are some situations in life where you find yourself not being able to be yourself. and the reason is because you a) tend to forget who you really are or b) you're basically trying too hard. occasionally i do feel as though i'm slipping back to my old self where i do admit i hate those traits that i present.

you know, the wise old people often say as we grow older life gets tougher? now that i'm moving to another chapter of my life, i got to agree with the sentiment. its just like it gets harder as you climb up a mountain with high altitudes and lack of oxygen.

people tend to be biased in every day's life. we don't notice it often, but when we do, it becomes an ultimate realisation.

i tend to forget my place occasionally, especially when i don't see them. i guess it's hard trying to cope yourself when you have many others to cope with. however, as i start to settle in, i find myself going back to myself and embark on a journey to open up once again. this closet door that has been shut is beginning to open and hopefully it doesn't close back. it is when i do start to open up and other people are alongside with me, that i begin to find friends that are truly 'friends' and not just the passing friends which we say hi and bye too.

i'm glad. life has taken a turn, and maybe that step to a brighter future.

oh my god. my hand phone bill exploded last month. apparently, my outgoing calls has increased so i think i'll stop calling people and start messaging them.

times these days are a busy schedule. i'm trying to keep up.

do you ever wonder what people think of you? i'm sure we all do but how about the times when you cross the street? the passer-bys you meet ever day of your lives. those drivers that sit behind the steering wheel. wonder what they are thinking of you? the impact on what your face and aura brings out.

when i feel myself or others too irritating, i tend to shut the world out.

the money my mum gives me is falling down the drain as easy as a,b,c. i'm trying to save, well i am trying. saving in my secondary school days are much easier than now. i have to cut out the outings and movie watchings. damn.

oh god, what are we doing today?
do the images we paint fade away?
life is not a crisis,
but thy wants more than it is need to say.
i worry thee,
help me not be,
future awaits we pray
for mother nature it must see.
life is ending,
we hold ends,
pray it won't dents.
lord give me strength,
for the prayer ends.

it's reality how people can be so ironic in their lives. they preach about something, but their actions make it worse-or they don't do anything at all. it's kind of like, wanting to do something but just too lazy to reach out and do it.

i want to donate some money to the victims in myanmar. but i'm extremely hesitant due to the fact that i'm weary where the money actually goes. after all, half of the money that people donates usually disappears to only god knows where. perhaps i should take the step where i actually make sure that they do go to the victims.

don't you find it fascinating that the world revolves around you and not you that revolve around the world? doesn't that count for something? i guess in a way it makes us special because at least something is moving around for you.

on another side topic, i always wondered what is it like to get banged down by a car. stepping off the pavement at the last moment when a car speeds by. the impact that makes you feel alive before... passing out? it's highly amusing that you feel the most alive before you're actually dead. not that i have any experience. but my quirky self does wonder.

these days when you read the news you get pretty freaked out.

in other news, i think is really cute that kids always want their mummy.
today i was boarding the bus and this family of four boarded together with me. there were two boys and their dad and mum. the brothers sat one in front of another and when the dad wanted to sit with the youngest son, he cried out ''mummy, mummy,''-wanting to sit his with mum.

sometimes, mothers rule all.

snowy-my dog- looks really ugly now.

one morning he looks like a dog that came out from a rubbish bin, the next thing i know when i came back home that night he looks like a mixture of lamb and gramlin so you can actually picture what he looks like. and it's amazing cause every time he shave off his fur you realize he has this big nose and extremely large eyes which you feel like pressing it.

with fur, snowy looks at you with sorrowful eyes.
without fur, snowy looks at you and you feel like punching him because he is that ugly.

and his damn nose, you just feel like squishing it.

and it's pretty amusing every time he has to get a hair-cut. he is petrified everytime he has to go to the dog saloon. and even though he loves it when his fur is shaved off-proven the fact that he runs around more then usual- he hates it when he parts from the family.

oh and another thing.

snowy is becoming fat.
seriously.

last time, when he shave off his fur he used to be all ribs and bones and you can actually feel them.
now you see are fats and well, you can feel flash. the funniest thing is when you do carry him, you can actually feel the weight difference and i think that's pretty funny.

well there you go, adventures of my white little (non)fluffy dog.

you write stories because you want people to read your stories.
you read comments cause you want people to read your comments.
you write journals because... you want to remember what happened in your life.

journals are personal, they can be filled with scam and it's incredible to see how much in your life you were hurt.

i dangle floating in the middle of the air, wishing for dreams that never seem to come true.
one time it did, and it felt incredible because you can't believe it's finally happening.

i stare myself at my mirror and face the pride that's seems to never disappear. when it finally did, you reaccount on what happen and you panic cause you wonder whether what you picture was right after all.

i'm a coward that refuse to come out of the bloody shell cause when i do, it turns disastrous. can you really blame me world? can i blame someone else?

i'm taking a new turn.